Design your Own Life! You know you best!

Most often this is the biggest struggle many of us will face in our lives. There are always going to be people who try to redirect you to the places they think you should be and most of the time this advice comes from people who want the best things for you, they are looking out for your future – but from their perspectives and this can limit our own belief in ourselves. I for one believe that if it weren’t for the opinions of others – there would be a lot less stress, and more clarity among individuals.

Left to our own devices, if we allow ourselves to take a step back, isolate ourselves as much as we can from the world around us and ask ourselves “Who am I?” and “What do I want for myself?” We’d find the answers instantly.

Take me for example.

If I were to mentally block out all the chaotic voices of people desperately trying to help with their suggestions and using the 4 W’s ask myself very simple questions:

“Who is J.J. Day?”
“What do I want to do?”
“When do I hope to achieve this/these goal(s)?”
“Where do I hope this/these goal(s) will take me?”

My answers would be:

“J.J. Day is a wholesome yet complex individual with a heart of gold, a passion for life. A girl who loves to laugh and spread the idea of happiness and individual beauty throughout the world. She is sensitive but relentless, has weaknesses and although is sometimes knocked down by them rises up again and not only regains what strength she had but builds herself even stronger. J.J. fights for her values and won’t quit trying to help make a positive impact in this world, to be inspired BY others and provide inspiration FOR others. This is who I am. I am love.”

“I want to be in the arts and entertainment business – singer/songwriter or actress, artist, fashion design, journalist, novelist etc. I want to love what I do, to have fun, to be a voice for others like me who’ve felt smothered, to express my personality. And when the time is right, I want to be a wife and a mom.”

“By the time I’ve reached the end of my life however long or short that may be.”

“Wherever the wind blows me, but definitely Toronto, New York, Los Angeles, England, Italy specifically.”

 

The only question I do not have the answer for so clearly is the “How?”

But that is the question that I can and will accept help and advice from others. I will seek out those who’ve gone before me into the world I wish to be, see if their tips work for me as they did for them. I will listen and be guided by people who are in positions to give sound advice. I will not stop until I get to where I want to be. And become the person that I know I’m meant to be. There may be some tough decisions I have to face, but as long as they are legal, and they get me where I desire, I will do everything I can.

 

Take control of your own world – it’s yours after all.

 

Stay tuned to see how my plans unfold!

Comments welcome, share your story of inspiration!

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Don’t Miss TV: Shades of Blue.

Apparently; it’s been out for a year, and I didn’t know about it. But I watched my first episode of this show and it wasn’t bad!

Always having been a huge fan of Jennifer Lopez’s work in whatever she does, it comes as no shock to me that she’d be great in a TV series such as this. And with a supporting cast of Ray Liotta and Drea De Matteo; and a whole list of others I hadn’t heard of but found to be just as good; it’s a pretty decent ensemble!

Definitely going to be back-tracking to get caught up on the first season before I get ready for the next week’s episode which is scheduled for March 19th at 10 PM on Global.

 

Check it out!!

J.J.

Bringing back the heart!

Good evening!

I’ve just spent the better part of my evening watching interviews on celebrities. From unknowns to the Queen of interviewing herself; Madame Oprah friggn’ Winfrey conducting interviews with celebrities coping with their public lives. As an aspiring journalist and interviewer myself [one of the items on my bucket list anyway], I want to get an idea of the interviewing style I want to deliver, so I’m taking notes as I watch. One of the things I see – and have seen many times while watching these interviews over the years – is that a lot of interviewers just want to get the dirty details, and seem to have trouble remembering that they are talking to real people with real feelings and emotions that need to be considered. As I sit and watch, I find myself cringing at the lack of sensitivity when some questions are being asked. I know as a journalist working for a paper or magazine, you’re under a lot of pressure to get down to the nitty gritty details and questions but it is also [in my opinion] the job of the interviewer to make your person of interest comfortable and remain humane. Some times – or most times rather – it is simply a matter of rewording or rephrasing a question or sentence, and the addition of your own compassion and empathetic voice.

In every job I have had, or will have in the future, you can be guaranteed of one thing, I make it one of my top priorities to address the people with whom I connect with respect, and with my heart. I am a people-pleaser and I strive to leave a warm, lasting impression with those I meet. At the end of my life, of all the things I wish to be remembered for; the hurdles I overcame, the family I created, and my ability to remain human whilst the world became over run by technology and developed a robotic way of existing. At the end of the day, people who live and breathe is what make this world miraculous, although the technology we’ve created certainly does have its advantages in some ways, [I mean look at how we can all be connected to one another so quickly as ever before] but I believe people still remain the world’s greatest strength – as long as we keep our hearts intact, and spread love and peace to every inch of this globe!

 

That is my wish!

Thanks for reading!

J.J.

My First Wrong Re-written.

For my first “change” article, I’d like to clear up a very global misconception – which is that – there is no one way to define a woman. Though I am not a psychologist, or expert on all women, I am an expert in knowing me; a woman.

And I – my friend, am very multi-faced!

Not to be confused with schizophrenia, which may very well be the case, though I have never been diagnosed by a doctor as having it.

What I mean by “multi-faced” is that I have many different levels that I allow the world to see, and sides I keep to myself or my limited circle of people. It’s a matter of choice, rather than mental disorder. However, as I gain more comfort in the outside world, one by one my brick wall is coming down and the world will see me for the sweet, crazy, chaotic, free-spirited girlish woman I am.

As mentioned above, women are not [and should not be] defined by one word or phrase. We are all different, we are all special, from one mother to her daughter, to strangers from countries across this globe. Strong, weak, beautiful, ugly, smart, less smart, clean, tidy, good cook, great hair, beautician, whatever the label we wear- we are all who we were born to be and although many of us hide the imperfections away from the public eye, we do have them. There is the flawless image society believes, and then there is the very flawed version that only we know to be the actual case. Can you imagine what would happen if the world saw what really happens? Kind of like a “Behind the Scenes” documentary, only it would be about women and the struggles or transitions we go through to be considered worthy of the public view.

Take me for example: Here I am, about to bare everything to the world, to hopefully allow other women to open themselves up too. To inspire others to stop being ashamed of who they are. Set free your negative body image and negative mindset, you have nothing to be ashamed of and I’m hoping my story helps others be able to let go of their shame.

My name is J.J. Day. In full, Jackilyn Janet Hastings Day (no hyphen). I am 4′ 8″ [last I checked], and if I were to be a car, I would not be a “Ford” or a “Dodge”, but rather a “Rolls Royce”, (just kidding I’m not that classy- but I got rolls-a-plenty!)
Yes, I suffer from negative body image. I have gone past the phase of “curvy” and now know that I have a weight problem. Although I have a very strong desire to change this, and get back to a more comfortable, healthy and manageable weight, I lack the ability to push myself up and get out to do something about it. I even have signed up for a gym membership [currently at 2 gyms] but am have fears of going – which I realize make absolutely no sense. I fear what people will think of me when I workout. I jiggle, I sweat and if I go as hard as I want to, I stink to high heaven! Even at home, when I’m working out, I smell myself and want to throw up. I am afraid to look that gross out in public. My weight got out of control when I got into a deep depression. I am also blessed [or cursed] with hair, both course and thick, not to mention really dark in colour. I have to shave every day pretty much in order to avoid feeling stubbly, and looking like an ape. The curse comes into effect in other areas of my body where hair grows. I have hair that grows on my face, on my back, on my neck, my knuckles and toes and most embarrassingly my butt. (All thanks to the Scottish in me!) Which means if I want the sexual attention of a man, I have to be willing to go out and pay someone to put me in excruciating pain to get it all waxed smooth. Another truth, at times I suffer from severe depression and was really bad when I was in my final year of high school; which I ended up dropping out of after I tried my first(1st) of four(4) or five(5). I am a strong woman, but I get knocked down a lot; and when I do it is difficult for myself or anyone to pull me out of it, until I’m ready in my own mind to let go. I just get so bogged down by the carelessness and insensitivity of the world around me that I physically and mentally become extremely saddened.

Which leads me to another trait I have: high sensitivity. [If you’ve read the books by Elaine Aron called “The Highly Sensitive Person” and “The Highly Sensitive Person in Love”, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t I strongly suggest you do.] If you were to google, Highly sensitive person as defined by Elaine Aron” this is one of the options you would find, “Sensory processing sensitivity (SPS), a personality trait, a high measure of which defines a highly sensitive person (HSP), has been described as having hypersensitivity to external stimuli, a greater depth of cognitive processing, and high emotional reactivity.” However, I would like to take it a bit deeper than this by adding that if you were to look at it as a gift, you would see the benefit of having this trait.
In her writings Elaine describes the trait as having the ability to walk into a room and be instantly aware of the mood, the friendships and enmities, the freshness or staleness of the air, the personality of the one who arranged the flowers. It does not mean that you’re crazy, or that you have a problem. It just means that the world gets to you on a deeper level than it does to others. But that’s not a bad thing by any means, it’s actually a blessing [however in disguise it may seem for some of us], because it means we are a crucial necessity when it comes to cruel and insensitivity in this world. We are there to comfort those who are sick, frightened, hurt or just feel alone. We are the hope and the light that shines through the darkness that overwhelms.

I am also not very tidy – as anyone who has visited me can attest. Its not that I like being surrounded by clutter, in fact that is so far from the case; I just have to work extra hard to force myself into doing it and I am so unbelievably happy and get the strongest feeling of accomplishment when I get my surroundings exactly how I want it. Much to everyone’s surprise, I am not “lazy”, it’s not that I am choosing not to get up and be active one explanation for my behaviour is that I suffer from ADHD. And on that note, I am getting better at learning to control it as I find the realize how much I am truly able to do, when I’m able to find the motivation technique that works best for me. However, usually my mind is too overwhelmed and worn out from thinking about quite literally EVERYTHING to function well. Here’s an insightful analogy: My mind is as cluttered and scrambled by thoughts as my house is by materialistic junk. Just as I trip over a book laying on the floor, or a pile of clothes (mixtures of clean or dirty I do not discriminate!) that threatens to fall over and consume my bedroom, I trip over all the thoughts in my head. I can be thinking about anything from future life plans, to wondering how much water is being consumed globally on a daily basis. Quite often my sleep is disturbed or inaccessible due to my brain’s inability to shut up and shut off.

I also suffer from a constant need to be desired by a man; which thus far has not been attempted, much less satisfied. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression, I am not a whore, nor do I want every guy on the planet to notice me. No no, just the ones I’m interested in, or even better may be interested in me. It is a natural instinct to want to be found attractive and desirable by someone or people you find yourself attracted to. When you’re approaching your 30s and realizing that you’ve had no [real] significant relationship with a man, ever – you can’t help but have your ego and confidence shaken. Ever since I was a little girl [circa, day care], I have been on the hunt for the elusive one, but to no avail. I’ve always scared off any potentials, and attracted the never-shoulda-coulda-woulda types that didn’t rise to my standards, but due to my need I allowed my level to be lowered to theirs. But no more is that to be the case. I now am more aware of my worth – both to myself and the world I was born into. When its my time, the right man will come along, and until then, I’m going to try casual for a change.

I also have a massive quirky side to me, that when in the right company flourishes and brightens the faces I see. I love to smile, in fact, most of the time that’s my most favourite accessory to wear! I also love to make others laugh with me – most of the time. I will wear funky things, say funky things, and express myself extremely funky verbally. You never know what dialect I will attempt to speak. I love to sport the British, Scottish and Asian most, with special mention to French, and I think there is sometimes Dutch or Australian somewhere in there as well. Please note, I am not doing it to make fun of other people or cultures. I just like to do impressions, and although when I make people laugh I get enjoyment out of it, I want to be that person. Especially the British accent; worldly it is associated with class and gracefulness as well as beauty and elegance. When I am feeling like being those things, I embrace the Brit in me (my grandmother was of English descent), and my Scottish side (my grandfather). My quirkiness also extends to my attire. I don’t always dress to impress, sometimes I dress to entertain. I have sported everything from a princess, to Mickey Mouse at a house party – just to try and make people smile and be happy. To express one’s self, and introduce herself and others to more dimensions of who she is is a great privilege and a right I value.

I was also diagnosed with what’s simply called a “math disorder”; which means I have an almost non-existent understanding of anything mathematical. I know what money is, and if I take the time to write it all out, I am able to understand how much I have and when I add or subtract how much I am left with as my final total. But, this paired with my ADHD and my impulsiveness that is tied to my disorder, is a detriment to me because when I’m shopping, I have a very hard struggle to control myself and how much I spend. I will usually spend until I’m left with absolutely nothing. At which point, as much as I want to cry because I lost control, I’m also relieved because I know I can no longer spend more. This doesn’t mean I will never be able to live successfully, I just may have to hire people to be in charge of my finances, so I don’t lose it all. At least until I feel I can comfortably control both my impulse and my discipline.

I also dropped out of high school when I was 17, and moved out of my mom’s house, at 18. My mom is my best friend and I love her to death, but we just don’t do well living together for too long. Since dropping out, I’ve had a revolving-door pattern of work, school, work, school, work, etc. I would work to earn money, then due to my inability to handle the money I earned, lose it and then decide working wasn’t working for me, so I’d try school, again and again. I still don’t have my high school, but am currently working on completing my GED and am preparing to apply to college for Journalism upon receipt of my GED certification. I’ve fallen behind in terms of keeping up to my friends who graduated when I was supposed to, but I realize now, I was meant to go a completely different journey, often on my own [with people in the background cheering me on, and ready to offer me help when I was able to ask for it].

 

I have struggled in my life, and I’m sure I will continue to as my adventures are far from over. Hell, some might say they are just beginning, and that what I’ve been through so far was just training my legs to be extra strong so I can keep on running down the road. I have a lot of flaws and layers of ashes to shed through, but among my ashes I will one day spread my wings and rise above much like a phoenix; finding myself reborn into the person I’m meant to become. So therefore, maybe the labels do fit after all; but my weakness becomes my strength, my clumsy duckling form is reshaping into the elegant and graceful swan of beauty and wonder, increasingly smart as time passes, and I am able. Able to be a complex, awesome woman, and follow the footsteps of fabulously fierce and unstoppable goddesses that have come before me. I can do it, and so can you! Don’t let others tell you are, create your own definition. And don’t bow to anyone who isn’t willing to bow to you. Smile, be appreciative, be humble, be thankful, be honest, be friendly, be willing to step up and help when needed, be comfortable with who you are, and only change if its something you desire to see. Be the change you wish to see, be the voice for yourself and others if you feel there is something to say; say it!

 

I share this information with you not to be “an open book” for attention, but to create awareness for women. To point out to the men, and women who don’t have these struggles that there are others who differ from yourselves, and to be more mindful of others. As well as to help other women like me, who suffer in the silence and shadows, never speaking of these things because it would be too embarrassing or shocking to the public. Well, I have said it, so there is proof that there is someone out there that may be like yourself.

If you liked this article, and either share similarities to my own story, please feel free to comment, or message me. Connect with me on my Facebook or Instagram!

 

Thanks for reading!

J.J.

Educational Institution vs. Life Experience: Which is the Best teacher?

In an ever changing world, is “one way thinking” still the view of success? Do you have to do things perfectly the first time in order to be successful in the world? Or can you stray from the confines of normalcy and define your own version of what success is?

You’d think that in a world where we can find information on practically anything, we’d know a lot more about how to be successful on our own terms and that more value would be placed in that attainment of knowledge. Are institutions of education and training still the most sought out form of training? I sure hope not, because that is not where I thrive. I am too free spirited to be confined to one way of doing things, or for that matter to be confined to one room and one teacher. I am an experiential philosopher, which means I desire to get out in the world and ask a lot of questions from a lot of different people about A LOT of different topics. And it is only recently that I’m coming to realize this about myself. For instance, I have just spent the last 3 hours watching a documentary series titled “The Future of Fashion” lead by Emily Chung, which started out as a Google search about what it was like to work at Vogue New York, which redirected me to the British side of the pond and took me on a whole journey through the world of Fashion, both in front of and behind the scenes. I remember taking “Fashion Design” in my high school, and though I gained knowledge back then, I found myself more entertained and therefore having a stronger ability to focus my ADHD brain. A few days ago, I was researching Journalism and its many career paths and that was also interesting.

Maybe this has been my problem all along – and maybe the reason for why as I quickly approach my thirties I am still finding myself without a high school or college diploma. If there were a program that had a limitless scope of careers that all tied into one another, and took me to a whole new part of the world every month and introduced me to all sorts of people beyond my quiet, boring little world, I would be valued for my experiences in the world, rather than my ability to study and attain impeccable grades to impress the boss of my dream job.

As I have not found this type of course or career, it either does not exist, or does not have the proper portal into its world; and maybe it is up to me and a team to develop this type of avenue. So that people like myself, who’ve strayed from many paths, but desire a luxurious and happy successful life, may allow themselves to continue to believe that they have purpose and meaning in the world around them.

If you think as I do, and believe the world could benefit from this forum of thought, please help me, bring me options, bring me input, bring me collaborations and lets together work on empowering and enlightening the world that has begun to grow dark from their fading hope! We have so much to offer this world, each and every one of us. Let’s prove it!

Truly yours – J.J. the Writer of Change.

Movie Review: Something Borrowed

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I know, I know! It came out in 2011 which makes it like a billion years old now; and it has a few areas where I think it could have been rewritten, or reorganized to make it so messy towards the end, but it is by far one of my favourite movies!

If my DVD player had a “view counter”like YouTube does, it would show a count of close to 100 as to how many times I have watched it. And even with the number of times seen, I still try to re-script the parts I don’t like, and smile like the cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland every time the same happy scenes that I love like I’ve just seen it for the first time. And I think the reason is that I feel like it represents me.

If you are unfamiliar with the film, I will just give a brief synopsis of what it’s about. It is about a woman who is about to turn 30 and begins to doubt and second guess her decisions in her twenties. As a woman in that same predicament myself; it lures me into the plot effortlessly. Add to it the fact that it is set in the city of my dreams, New York; it features a tale of how the “underdog” or “person least likely to”  gains the victory over the girl who has it all – the dream job, the dream man, and the dream life. It helps remind me that I deserve to fight for those things too, and when faced with a tough choice, as long as I go with the route that is right for only me, and leads to my happiness, one way or another it’s worth toughening it out. Plus, the movie was cast perfectly; [Kate Hudson!!!] each character really held their own, but came together to produce a realistic as well as pleasantly entertaining story. I could relate to the main characters role, and could see my friends in the other supporting cast members, as well as feel the story spoke to me on a personal level.

 

I do not like how it was based upon a “cheating scandal” which pitted two best friends against each other, and involved another friend in a huge lie which would end up in trust being lost, and friendships being torn apart – but the truth is that it can sometimes happen, and it isn’t always something that can be helped. It was nice to see a movie where there was conflict but that by the end of the film it all scars over and everyone goes back to being all hunky-dory to wrap up the story. This movie shows brilliantly how sometimes the decisions you make, or allow to happen can have some times permanent consequences that you will have to live with – or without.

I give this movie a 9.5/10 on the exquisitely-entertained scale!

Click here for a delightful taste of sinful pleasure! Something Borrowed, based on the book by Emily Giffin. So beautiful it otta be a sin!

 

Let me know if you agree!

So tired but too wired!

Since, nobody knows me around here, you may be surprised when you read the time stamp attached to this post; but let me let you in on a little secret… it ain’t a surprise – especially as of lately I’ve been having tremendous difficulties shutting down my brain at nights. I have so much on my mind; so many things I have to do in order to stay on schedule with putting plans into place for my oh-so-exciting future and trying to figure out how long each specific item on my list is going to take – is taking its toll on me. But, while it wears down my body until its ready to go to bed at a reasonable hour, my brain is not so pleasing. The moment my head hits  the pillow and I close my eyes, a light seems to turn on in my head, and all of a sudden I’m rifling through the infinite library of knowledge, creativity, inspiration, facts, myths, and whatever other topics I have stored away searching for the answers to so many questions.

I know I’m not the only one who goes through these inopportune moments, however long or short they may be. But do you ever wish you could just shut down, like we do our computers. They have so many settings, but one final one- Shut down it is such a nice sounding phrase. To be able to stop our processing for hours, and then wake up well rested, and ready and willing to take the world on one problem at a time, true the problems are still there from yesterday; but we have a whole nights’ sleep in between, to give us a brand new perspective than we had before!

Tell me how you cope with an over-active brain at night?

 

Well, wish me luck- am gonna try this sleep thing once more!

 

J

Here are a couple of books I found online, I have not read them yet myself, but as soon as I can find a book store in the next few days I will! I thought I’d post them on my site, if anyone is interested. Read them and share what you think! (If you found out about them on my site, and recommend either of them, or both of them, please share them and my site with other people you know, so that I can find out where there is need for products and I can do the research to bring the best to your inquiring minds.

If however; you’ve already read these books, have you tried any of the tips, and how did they turn out? I’d love to know! Please share with me!