Valentine’s Day for couples and Valentine’s Day for single people can be a very different day at times. If you’re in love it’s another day extra to your anniversary to pay tribute to the love you share for each other and your time together however long or short.
As I scroll through my social media feeds I see the love-filled messages and photos of happy couples, and all the ways they appreciate one another, and I am genuinely happy for each and every one of them because it shows me that love does exist and that truly warms my heart.
But for those of us who’ve spent countless years alone on this day, it can be quite saddening. I am turning 30 this year, and have yet to be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day; and while I still hold hope for my future that that may not be the case one day – this year, it still is. And in the time where I have dated, or had relationship-like men in my time, there have only been two times where I’ve actually been IN LOVE. My first relationship when I was 16; about to turn 17, I was finally with my best friend, and love of my life at the time, and it was wonderful, and I knew that I we both had value in each other’s lives. But, due to external forces, it ended and left me devastated, and not only did it end; but it ended on Valentine’s Day. Picture your first relationship ever, you’re experiencing feelings you’ve never felt before, and you have this naive take on the world, and you with all your heart believe in love, and are a true hopeless romantic, only to have your world kicked up from underneath you, on what you’ve come to know in society as the most romantic day of the year… and THAT is when he chooses to “let’s just be friends”. For most of my years since, I came to loathe this holiday, even after he and I had moved on past the hurt, and reconciled our friendship I still had this angered feeling come over me as the time drew closer to February 14th.
The second, is more recent, but I don’t want to divulge too deeply into it, other than to say, it has come to be my MOST treasured relationship of all, because I’ve learned a lot about myself, and about him, and it’s also the first encounter with a man, where I don’t feel judged too strongly, and can be free to release for the most part, some of my most intense insecurities about myself because he doesn’t seem to have a problem with them. Sometimes, best friends make the best partners, even if it doesn’t go to the romantic level.
After many years, I’ve now learned to let the anger go, but I still continue to have a pang of longing when this time comes around, because I remember my beautifully naive heart’s desire to find my soulmate. But this year, this one is tricky… because I’m not in a relationship as defined by any other relationship I’ve seen or heard of around me, but in a sense I am and I have this new feeling like, maybe I have found my soul-mate, just not in the form of a boyfriend, but in that of a best friend. Maybe it’s okay not to be traditional, but just accept things they way they come. And learn to appreciate what you have, without defining it’s form or reason.
So with that being said, I really hope all of the lovers out there celebrating this red and white day of love and happiness of being together with the one (or family), or just being in good company of people you adore! The world could use way more days to celebrate love, with all the crazy, messed up stuff going on in the world now.
Happy Valentine’s Day my darlings!
All my love!